I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I’m close. I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for ‘meh’ relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So, here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.
The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:
1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.
2. I’m with the wrong person right now.
3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.
4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.
5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.
6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.
7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.
8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.
9. I’m too focused on my own needs.
10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.
Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself — I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.
Be patient with me, darling heart. Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.
I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined. But I’m here. This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.
“Love is life and if you are missing love, you are missing life”
Leo Buscaglia
Be in love with life…experience it all…the newness and the pain. There’s something miraculous about a love for life that brings all we want and need.
If you experience pain…remember the experience, learn the lesson and KNOW that there is new love on the way
Open your heart… a closed heart never finds love
Don’t hold back…vulnerability is not weakness, it is power
Align yourself completely with your uniqueness…your needs, dreams, and desires…and you will find someone who resonates with you
Get into life to feel and experience all the richness that awaits…love is not found sitting in your living room. (And remember, real relationships are not the ones you have on your cell phone or facebook)
Do what you love…in a job, a hobby, or giving to others…doing what you love makes you feel alive
Because in the end all that matters is that you experienced love
A bad breakup is one of the most traumatic things you will ever go through. This kind of grief can go on for a very long time. However the transition is a wonderful time of hiatus to get to know yourself better. Frequently, it is only after experiencing deep grief that we realize how important it is to know ourselves better so we never make those mistakes again. It’s a time to stop living in denial about what you were ignoring in the relationship that was right in front of you. It’s a time to ask yourself why you tolerated the abuse, neglect, apathy or emotional unavailability. You have to be responsible for what you ignore and deny. You have to look at your past story and how you kept contributing to and perpetuating that story.
Creating a new and wonderful life is work, but it’s worth it. Many people who go through a devastating breakup find better relationships than they ever thought were possible. Bad breakups teach us profound lessons about what we won’t tolerate in the future and what we won’t settle for. I have known so many people who have found the love of their life only after experiencing a bad relationship.
On the other side of grief is life. On the other side of grief is freedom, opportunity and happiness and a relationship possibly like you’ve never known before.
